Growing Old
Growing old is a natural phenomenon. Every living organism has to progress through it, and so do us. We start off as a baby, grow as a child and teenager, take up responsibilities as an adult and finally go back to being a baby when we are too old.
But there are transitions in between - where we are transiting from one stage to another stage of life. Sometimes it might make a parent happy to see their child growing into an adult and taking up responsibilities, and sometimes it might make it hard for a person to realise and accept the fact that their parents are growing old.
I am in between the same.
While my parents are finally happy that I have somewhat made it and started a life of my own (at least as an eligible bachelor) after nearly two years of post-engineering struggle for clarity and unemployment, it gives me a little pain to realise and accept that my parents have started growing old.
I remember there was a time, not more than five years ago, when I did not have this feeling at all. I moved to Mumbai for my MBA and I used to visit home every couple of months or every trimester, I never felt anything until a year before. Whenever I visited my native place - Hyderabad, or when I headed back to Mumbai, I started feeling this pain and a sense of worry for them.
At first I thought it could be small gush of homesickness, but I realised that they have, in deed, started to grow old. They have more wrinkles on their faces than they had five years ago, have started developing health issues or are getting exhausted rather quickly than they used to earlier. To name a few, my mother now has got spectacles for reading, Dad had his cataract surgery an year ago and he is not able to drive far-off distances anymore, specially during the nights, and the usual co-morbid issues which they both have, all of which mark the beginning of "old age".
Recently, they had developed an enduring fever which lasted for nearly two weeks for both of them. I was in Mumbai due to COVID-19 lockdown. Everything was perfect, was making food for self and enjoying work from home when Mom told me she had developed mild fever. Sure, in such times it creates a huge clout of worry, instantly. We thought it would go down as it could be a result of change in weather and monsoons. It was Day 3 or 4 when her fever was not showing any signs of going down and she reported one symptom after another - from headache to loss in taste and smell - all of which indicate to one obvious and unwanted disease. At the same time, Dad had also start developing fever.
I got shaky. I never thought I would cry, but I did. Hastily, I called up my ex-boss and talked about the situation and calmed myself down. I flew to Hyderabad immediately and started preparing for tests. Before we could go for the slot, things improved for both of them. The regular antibiotics worked and it turned out to be some usual bacterial/parasite infection. I was thankful and relieved. We all were.
This is where I accepted the norm of life. Even today it gives me pain and much worry to see anything happening to them but at the same time, somewhere back of my mind, it has helped me with this acceptance.
I am no different rat in the rat race, and have to consistently pursue my opportunities on the professional side of life, for which I might or might not to have to compromise some aspects from my personal life. Today, the number one sacrifice that I face is to stay away from my parents. I have started persuading them to move in with me wherever I am, or if they wish to stay where they are, I have started pushing them to have a cook at home, try and increase their social gatherings with other retired friends and family relatives, or to start practising yoga and meditation (apart from the usual early morning walks they do) - small things that will make a big difference. I guess everybody might have gone through this or might go through this, sooner or later.
After this acceptance, all I can say is that the crux is not being constantly paranoid about them or their health and welfare. It is about staying with them, investing in them emotionally and making them happy - just like how they did when we were young.
This is the tether - from the parents to children and further, and it has to go on.
Dedicated to all the parents who are staying apart from their children. Thank you.
But there are transitions in between - where we are transiting from one stage to another stage of life. Sometimes it might make a parent happy to see their child growing into an adult and taking up responsibilities, and sometimes it might make it hard for a person to realise and accept the fact that their parents are growing old.
I am in between the same.
While my parents are finally happy that I have somewhat made it and started a life of my own (at least as an eligible bachelor) after nearly two years of post-engineering struggle for clarity and unemployment, it gives me a little pain to realise and accept that my parents have started growing old.
I remember there was a time, not more than five years ago, when I did not have this feeling at all. I moved to Mumbai for my MBA and I used to visit home every couple of months or every trimester, I never felt anything until a year before. Whenever I visited my native place - Hyderabad, or when I headed back to Mumbai, I started feeling this pain and a sense of worry for them.
At first I thought it could be small gush of homesickness, but I realised that they have, in deed, started to grow old. They have more wrinkles on their faces than they had five years ago, have started developing health issues or are getting exhausted rather quickly than they used to earlier. To name a few, my mother now has got spectacles for reading, Dad had his cataract surgery an year ago and he is not able to drive far-off distances anymore, specially during the nights, and the usual co-morbid issues which they both have, all of which mark the beginning of "old age".
Recently, they had developed an enduring fever which lasted for nearly two weeks for both of them. I was in Mumbai due to COVID-19 lockdown. Everything was perfect, was making food for self and enjoying work from home when Mom told me she had developed mild fever. Sure, in such times it creates a huge clout of worry, instantly. We thought it would go down as it could be a result of change in weather and monsoons. It was Day 3 or 4 when her fever was not showing any signs of going down and she reported one symptom after another - from headache to loss in taste and smell - all of which indicate to one obvious and unwanted disease. At the same time, Dad had also start developing fever.
I got shaky. I never thought I would cry, but I did. Hastily, I called up my ex-boss and talked about the situation and calmed myself down. I flew to Hyderabad immediately and started preparing for tests. Before we could go for the slot, things improved for both of them. The regular antibiotics worked and it turned out to be some usual bacterial/parasite infection. I was thankful and relieved. We all were.
This is where I accepted the norm of life. Even today it gives me pain and much worry to see anything happening to them but at the same time, somewhere back of my mind, it has helped me with this acceptance.
I am no different rat in the rat race, and have to consistently pursue my opportunities on the professional side of life, for which I might or might not to have to compromise some aspects from my personal life. Today, the number one sacrifice that I face is to stay away from my parents. I have started persuading them to move in with me wherever I am, or if they wish to stay where they are, I have started pushing them to have a cook at home, try and increase their social gatherings with other retired friends and family relatives, or to start practising yoga and meditation (apart from the usual early morning walks they do) - small things that will make a big difference. I guess everybody might have gone through this or might go through this, sooner or later.
After this acceptance, all I can say is that the crux is not being constantly paranoid about them or their health and welfare. It is about staying with them, investing in them emotionally and making them happy - just like how they did when we were young.
This is the tether - from the parents to children and further, and it has to go on.
Dedicated to all the parents who are staying apart from their children. Thank you.
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