Six Pints Down - The Broken Mind

Wander-Lust

So Ice Bear does the same thing - as everybody does in such situations, viz., try to put logic. 

Ice Bear wants to get over the one-sided feelings and maintain the crazy friendship intact. But he couldn't. The feeling just eats him away everyday. 

Ice Bear (now a 25-year-old man) has his own needs and desires too. So he finds few ways to terminate his feelings:

1. Goes on Tinder - no luck
2. Tries to date a few - some luck

Though the dates never convert due to Ice Bear's flaws of communication, excitement at initial level or for any other reason, but Ice Bear did intensely make out with another girl once. It was awesome. 

However, it was only to realise that lust is temporary and that love and sex are two entirely different entities and they can act as catalyst for each other, only if so it happens like that way.  

So Ice Bear is back to square one of the gloomy days which have been with him for a better half of the year now! 

The New Routine

Ice Bear admires the friendship between him and Panda. And so does Panda. No doubt in that. And they often meet every now and then to just talk shit. Ice Bear loves to have a hot cup of Bournvita with Panda while she smokes in the balcony of her home. 

Where the Journey of Pain gets multiplied is when the shit Panda discusses about is her feelings for Grizzly. And how Grizzly does not give a damn to her and they are just being casual. Every graphic detail of it.

Sure, Ice Bear and Panda love to spend time and enjoy good company of each other but then this is not what is to be discussed when Panda herself has doubts regarding Ice Bear still having feelings for her.

This has become The New Routine for Ice Bear and somehow, he has compromised with it.

Speaking Out

Till date, Ice Bear keeps the promise of Panda about her thing with Grizzly a secret. But at the end of the day, its the feelings and he has to talk it out with his closed ones to lighten the burden he has been feeling in his heart for long. 

But keeping the promise in tact, he created a alias story and tried to discuss with his friends. These are the responses he got:

1. Just try to get over. Not good for you.
2. Always you end up hurting yourself with the wrong girl. Next time, you must let me know before you develop any such feelings.
3. Motivational stories. 
4. "You're fat. Get fit and you'll get a good girl..." - yes. Ice Bear was body-shamed. 
5. Don't worry. You will find it. But you're too nice.
6. I think you're too open and nice. 
7. And what not...

Trust him, he (Ice Bear) has been hearing all these since ages and he does not want to change anything about him. Yes. He's fat, he's too "nice", but he is fed up and somewhere knows he deserves the "love" back.

Traces from the other side

Ice Bear knows one thing - Panda (and Grizzly) somewhere is sure or has doubts regarding his existing feelings for her.

Panda once asked Ice Bear, "Is anything still there? If it is, please tell me. We'll figure it out...".

And what Ice Bear did? He ran away angrily. He got conscious, embarrassed and troubled for being asked such a question. Even Ice Bear did not know it would become sensitive for him. 

But its not like only Ice Bear has got the feelings. Panda craves for being in a good relationship. Panda wants to go out for dates and have a active date life which she never got from Grizzly. 

There happened one such stance where Panda was way too high and revealed some little feeling for Ice Bear. She had few tears. Things became little melo-dramatic and she decided not to go further and make it more awkward.

But these are the small things which further fuel Ice Bear. 

... to be continued